How to Come Up for Air: Reconnecting to Your True Self in Overwhelming Times
In today’s fast-paced, ever-changing world, it can feel like we’re barely keeping our heads above water. The demands of work, relationships, and societal expectations pile up, and before we know it, we’ve drifted away from who we really are. As the overwhelm mounts, our connection to our true selves—our core desires, passions, and authentic identities—can become obscured. It’s as if we’re living on autopilot, gasping for air, seeking relief. But how do we find that relief? How do we come up for air when the waves keep crashing?
In this post, we’re going to explore practical steps you can take to reconnect with your true self, even in the most overwhelming times. Whether you’re navigating a significant life transition, coping with emotional overload, or simply feeling lost in the day-to-day grind, these tools can help you realign with who you are at your core.
The Disconnect: Why We Lose Ourselves
Before we dive into how to reconnect, it’s essential to understand why we get disconnected in the first place. This disconnection from our true selves is often gradual and subtle. It can happen for many reasons, including:
Burnout and Exhaustion: When we're running on empty, it's easy to focus solely on survival mode, neglecting our deeper desires and needs.
Societal Pressure: Society’s expectations can lead us to prioritize external validation over internal fulfillment. We may shape our lives to fit a mold that doesn’t align with who we are.
Trauma and Emotional Pain: Painful experiences can cause us to retreat inward, creating walls that separate us from our true selves.
Overcommitting: When we say “yes” to too much—be it work, social events, or responsibilities—we often sacrifice time for self-reflection and personal growth.
Fear of Change: Even when we realize we’re disconnected, the fear of stepping into the unknown can keep us stuck in patterns that don't serve us.
These factors, and many others, pull us away from the authentic version of ourselves, making it challenging to access that sense of inner peace and clarity.
The Power of Pausing
The first and perhaps most critical step to reconnecting with your true self is simply pausing. In a world that glorifies busyness, the act of stopping to breathe and reflect can feel counterintuitive, even uncomfortable. But in the pause, there’s power.
Think of the moments in your life when you’ve been most overwhelmed. Chances are, they’re marked by chaos and a constant sense of “doing.” When we’re stuck in a cycle of overdoing, we lose sight of what we really want, need, or feel. The pause is where we come up for air. It’s where we stop swimming against the current and allow ourselves to float, gaining perspective.
Practical Ways to Pause:
Set Intentional Breaks: Build moments of stillness into your day. It could be a 10-minute meditation, a quiet cup of tea in the morning, or even a short walk without distractions.
Breathing Exercises: Deep breathing can be an immediate way to calm the nervous system. Try a simple technique: inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, and hold for four. Repeat this cycle a few times when you're feeling overwhelmed.
Tech Breaks: Disconnect from technology for an hour or more each day. The constant stream of information can overwhelm us, making it harder to hear our inner voice.
Emotional Capacity: Holding Space for What’s Hard
A significant part of reconnecting to your true self involves building the emotional capacity to handle discomfort. Life is full of difficult moments—stress, sadness, uncertainty—and our ability to stay present with these experiences is key to maintaining a connection to ourselves.
When we avoid difficult emotions, we often end up avoiding parts of ourselves too. Building emotional capacity allows us to hold space for the full range of human experience without disconnecting or shutting down.
Practices to Build Emotional Capacity:
Mindful Acknowledgment: Instead of pushing emotions away, name them without judgment. “I’m feeling anxious,” or “I’m feeling sad.” This simple practice helps you become aware of what’s going on internally.
Somatic Awareness: Pay attention to where emotions show up in your body. Tightness in the chest, heaviness in the shoulders, or butterflies in the stomach are all ways your body communicates how you're feeling.
Journaling: Writing down your emotions allows you to externalize them and process them more clearly. Use prompts like, “What am I feeling right now?” or “What is this emotion trying to tell me?”
Reconnecting to Your Core Values
At the heart of reconnecting with your true self is realigning with your core values. These are the guiding principles that shape your decisions and give your life meaning. Over time, as we face external pressures and internal conflicts, we can lose sight of these values and start making choices that feel misaligned.
Steps to Realign with Your Core Values:
Identify Your Values: Sit down with a list of potential core values (you can easily find one online) and circle the words that resonate most. Narrow it down to your top five. Examples of core values include authenticity, creativity, connection, integrity, and growth.
Reflect on Current Alignment: Once you’ve identified your values, ask yourself where you’re living in alignment with them—and where you’re not. For example, if creativity is a core value but you’ve been stuck in a monotonous routine, it might be time to carve out space for creative expression.
Make Adjustments: Start small by incorporating actions that align with your values into your daily life. If connection is a value, prioritize time with loved ones or strengthen your relationships. If growth is important to you, commit to learning something new.
The Role of Intuition
Often, the noise of the outside world drowns out our inner voice. Intuition, however, is one of the most powerful tools for reconnecting to our true selves. It’s that quiet nudge, that sense of knowing, that often guides us in the right direction—if we’re willing to listen.
How to Strengthen Your Intuition:
Get Quiet: Intuition speaks in whispers. Create space in your day for silence, whether it’s through meditation, a quiet walk, or simply sitting in stillness.
Trust Small Decisions: Start by trusting your intuition in small, everyday decisions. Whether it’s choosing what to eat or which route to take to work, begin paying attention to those gut feelings.
Notice Patterns: Pay attention to the patterns of your intuition. When do you feel most in tune with it? When do you ignore it? Journaling about these experiences can help you build a deeper connection to this inner guidance.
Reclaiming Joy and Play
Another critical component of reconnecting to your true self is reclaiming joy and play. As adults, it’s easy to get bogged down in responsibilities, losing touch with the parts of ourselves that delight in creativity, spontaneity, and playfulness. Yet, these elements are often the key to rediscovering our true selves.
When we make time for joy and play, we give ourselves permission to exist outside of the demands of productivity and seriousness. It’s in these moments that we reconnect to a sense of wonder and possibility.
How to Invite Joy and Play Into Your Life:
Engage in a Hobby: Whether it’s painting, dancing, gardening, or pottery, immerse yourself in an activity that has no “purpose” other than enjoyment.
Schedule Play Dates (with Yourself): Set aside time each week for an activity that brings you joy—without any expectations attached.
Laugh More: Watch a funny movie, spend time with friends who make you laugh, or simply allow yourself to be playful in everyday moments.
Manifesting an Authentic Life
When we’re able to pause, build emotional capacity, realign with our values, and trust our intuition, we naturally begin to manifest a life that feels authentic to who we are. This doesn’t happen overnight, but each small step in reconnecting with yourself leads to bigger shifts over time.
The key to manifesting an authentic life is to stay open, flexible, and curious. It’s about allowing yourself to evolve and change, knowing that reconnecting with your true self is an ongoing process, not a destination.
Final Thoughts: Be Gentle with Yourself
Reconnecting with your true self in overwhelming times is a deeply personal journey, and it’s important to be gentle with yourself along the way. There will be setbacks, moments of confusion, and times when you feel disconnected again. But each pause, each breath, and each moment of self-awareness brings you closer to that authentic connection.
Coming up for air doesn’t have to be a dramatic gesture. It can be as simple as taking a deep breath, noticing where you are, and choosing, in that moment, to realign with who you truly are. And in the moments that follow, you may just find yourself swimming with the current instead of against it.
